Introduction
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt.
Jeremiah 31:3–4 NASB
It was an intentional slight, albeit an understandable one.
When German Mennonites started migrating to Belize in the 1950s, just a
decade after the Nazis had thrown the entire world into chaos via World War II, Belizean officials were a bit wary. The Mennonites didn’t look, act, or speak like Nazis, but they were Germans, so they were still suspect. What to do?
Here’s an idea: give them the most unproductive land in the entire country, the property that no one else wants.
At least they can’t wreck it. It’s already wrecked!
For the sake of the country, and perhaps for the sake of the Mennonites, it was a brilliant decision, though not in the way the Belizean officials anticipated. By applying their faith and work ethic, the Mennonites eventually made their part of Belize not just productive and fruitful but, indeed, the most fruitful and productive part of the entire country. I was told that approximately 60 percent of Belize’s most valuable natural resources now come from Mennonite-held lands —the property that, less than a hundred years ago, nobody else wanted.
“You know as soon as you hit the Mennonite area,” a person from Belize once said to me. “You just know.”
It’s an inspiring tale, isn’t it? The Belizean Mennonites, applying their faith, took the worst land in the country to work with and made it the most productive.
That’s not a bad image for marriage. It is possible, with faith, to receive the least productive relationship and end up spiritually feeding others out of it. It is possible to enter marriage feeling as though you have nothing to give and end up having an incredibly fruitful relationship that isn’t just fulfilling to you but
inspiring to others. It is possible to feel as if you are stuck in a rut in your marriage—as if you and your spouse simply lack the “raw materials” or “natural resources” of compatibility and intimacy skills to ever achieve anything even resembling happiness in your marriage and yet, with faith, realize that marriage becomes a source of profound joy, rich togetherness, and powerful witness.
The spiritual principle is this: it’s not what we have; it’s what we do with it. When God becomes part of the equation, it’s not what we get from or even bring into our marriages, but it’s what we do with His empowering presence that creates a rich intimacy and a beautiful relationship.
Another way of looking at this is through the eyes of Booker T. Washington, the former slave who became such a surprising political force in the nineteenth century. Washington spoke of the “advantage of disadvantages.” He believed that when difficulties called out your best, they became stepping-stones instead of roadblocks. They forced you to become stronger than you would otherwise have been.
The prophet Jeremiah proclaimed a bold promise from God to His people: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. Again I will build you and you will be rebuilt” (Jer. 31:3–4
NASB).*
* I realize it is poor scriptural interpretation to take a promise to Israel and arbitrarily apply it to
marriage; I am not intending to proof-text here but to use biblical language for a larger picture, each element of which will be supported with appropriately applied scriptures later in the text.
Time and time again, this passage has been proven to me in my marriage. When I understood how God had loved me with an everlasting love—that my marriage was first and foremost a magnificent obsession with God and His kingdom, above all things, even above my wife—my marriage changed radically for the good. I was drawn by and to His lovingkindness, as a recipient and then as an agent, seeking a much deeper expression of what it means to truly love, especially within marriage. This has been nothing short of revolutionary for me. And those two elements together—the magnificent obsession with God and the
passion to pursue a deeper love—led into a third element, God building and rebuilding my marriage into a more intimate union: “I will build you and you will be rebuilt.” This puts hope for my marriage not just on a different plane or even planet but on a different existence altogether: God will do this.
These three elements form the base of a stool. Together, they provide a sturdy foundation to support us. If you take out just one—focusing on God and love but not intentionally growing together—you will be unbalanced and headed for a fall. If you focus on intimate union and love but not God, you will eventually lose your way.
The point of this approach is to acknowledge the triune God as the center, the model, and the empowering agent of my marriage. He sets the agenda for what I should desire, what I should strive for, and how I can get there. He even promises to make it happen: “I will build you and you will be rebuilt.” This makes the meaning of my marriage something much bigger and grander than I ever could have dreamed. It’s the journey beyond technique to worship, intimate union with my wife, and love.
This broad focus allows us to address virtually every season and condition of marriage: people who are frustrated with whom they married and who wonder how they can find fulfillment in the midst of it; those who believe they made generally good choices, but whose marriages haven’t lived up to all they hoped they might be; and those who simply desire to take their marriages to new levels by bolstering them with a spiritual purpose and dynamic that has been lacking up till now.
Here’s the question we seek to answer: How can we remake our marriages to become fruitful relationships that breathe spiritual life and that God can use to encourage others? My book Sacred Marriage gave a picture of the destination. This book is the road map of how to get there. Sacred Marriage spoke of the character God builds in us through marriage; A Lifelong Love addresses the intimacy that awaits us if we will lay hold of God’s promises and spiritual provisions.
– Gary Thomas
Take time to read our disclaimer here.
